I was pretty sick this week, found out on Monday morning that I got what every breastfeeding mother fears... the dreaded breast infection! I had atleast a 100 degree fever for almost 3 days, It was absolutly terrible, I had body aches, chills, hot and cold sweats, it was not easy taking care of a 2 month old feeling so weak and tired, but I got through it and the infection is finally clearing up, thanks to the antibiotics. Besides all that I've been in a bit of a blogging slump lately, guess I need to sit on my emmotions for awhile to sort them out..just don't have too much to write about, or I do but it's too personal to post so I'll just go with a good ole quote until my writers block clears. :)


Sorry if this quote is a bit depressing but its how I feel sometimes, we can't be happy and positive 24/7, thats just not reality..But..we can try, we can always try!

I believe you become a mother even when you are pregnant because you still have to be selfless and think about everything you do that may affect the growing baby inside of you and then when your child is born the true sacrifices begin.  Somedays I feel  like I'm not being a good enough mom, like I've been letting Noah sleep with me since he was 3 weeks old and I know I need to break the habit  but it's been the only way I can get a decent amount of sleep at night, I need to start trying harder to get him to sleep in his bassinet.  I tend to hold really high standards for myself but, this year is all about goals and making positive changes, so I'm not going to be so hard on myself, just hard enough to learn and then move on.   I just want to be the best Mom to Noah. This quote above explains it perfectly. 

So its kinda hard to keep up on my blog with no internet, so, I finally broke down and got it at my house, it should be installed and ready to go by the middle of this week, so I probably won't be posting much until then...






So it's time for me to make some small but attainable goals for myself, it only seems appropriate with the new year and all, every year I say I'm going do this or that to change certain aspects of my life but I never write it out and hold myself accountable to following through.  So, I thought writing it out and posting it on my blog would be good, that way I can check back on my progress.  After having a baby, my body is well, not what it used to be, but with some hard work and dedication I know I can get there!  I want to feel attractive and good about myself again and one way I can do that is by getting back to my goal weight.  I will be training with my sister who is a beachbody coach and she will be helping me with my workout schedules and good healthy eating habits.  I will devote 4 days a week (between half an hour and a hour) to working out and I will no longer have any junk in my house.  My other goals for this year are kind of personal but to sum it up I want to be more true to myself and gain confidence by not settling for less than I deserve anymore.  Some of Ghandi's fundamentals I want to live by :)

If ya'll havent noticed I LOVE Quotations, words, lyrics, music.. theres always a quote or a song to give motivation, inspiration or speak the words written on your heart that you just can't express. So I will try to post one everyday that relates to me. Hopefully they will be enlightening to you as well, happy blogging :)




Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. — Louise Erdrich from The Painted Drum

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him. “I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” “All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?” God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.” “You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.” Author: Unknown

So i'm finally getting used to being a mom, the last couple days really hit me hard, went through alittle depression spurt, noone tells you just how hard it is the first 6 weeks of your childs life, the lack of sleep, the shifting emmotions from fluctuating hormones, the leaking and aching breasts, the fears, the tears, the countless hours trying to soothe them while they scream, and all the while your still adjusting to having no time for your self anymore, i guess i never really appreciared being able to just go to the batheroom or take a shower when i want to.. In no way am I complaining, because even though its hard and alot of work, the emmense love you feel makes it worth it, watching every little change through the days and weeks fills your heart with so much joy, the first smile is like indescribable, I cried! Motherhood is such a wonderful journey, I feel so blessed God chose me to be Noah's mom.  So for all new moms or moms to be, i know its scarey and at times extremely overwhelming but cherish every moment even the late hours of the night where you are so ssleep deprived you think you wont make it through, because they go by so fast...


                                                                   6 Weeks

I woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy about some things going on in my life and as soon as I looked at my son, my eyes welled up with tears and I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love, he's my miracle and no matter what life throws my way I will be ok because I have the love of my child! But Im not going to lie its definitly been a work in progress for me to become and stay such a positive upbeat person, but God has alot to do with it!  I refuse to be negative, instead I will let tough times motivate me to pray harder, give more and never stop looking at the good and postive side of people and life, Its so easy to get caught up in negativity and drown yourself in things your feeling, I've always had a hard time with that, I love hard and feel A LOT! But i've learned its not a bad thing I have alot to give!

 

While I was pregnant I was forced to get strong and harden myself a bit just to get through the fear and emotions I was feeling, I had to lean on my faith, I prayed mulitple times a day for God to make this situation ok and help me be strong so I could be a good mother. and he mde it more than ok, he ade it wonderful! I know without a doubt that there is a God because he changed my heart, he granted me peace and joy through my affliction, even though I was scared I was able to find happiness in the small things, in people God brought into my life, he showed me his Love by surrounding me with amazing friends who just "showed up" in my life out of nowhere (Sarah and Beth) and my family and Noahs Grandparents, I can't thank them enough for their continued support and love! 

On November 24th 2011 at 4:09 in the morning my life changed profoundly, my son Noah James was born! I went from being a fly by the wind kind of chick, still trying to find my way in life, to being a single mommy..I always thought I would be married to the love of my life and have a good solid job before I had children, but God had other plans..Its definitely not something anyone can prepare you for...I now have an extreme respect for young single moms, it isn't easy, but so worth it! No one can explain the love you feel when you hold your child in your arms for the first time, its like you suddenly have this greater purpose.. I love my lil man more than anything in this world, he completes me, I no longer feel alone in life, whether I ever find a man to love again it won't matter because my life is fulfilled by being a mommy to Noah. Its been so long since I've been in a relationship that I don't really miss it, I have my lonely days but for the most part I'm extremely content and happy! It took awhile to get to this point, a lot of learning, growing and staying positive and optimistic about life! I now find joy in the simple things which I'm sure ill be blogging about a lot! So I figured I'd start the new year off with this blog, I've always journaled but never publicly, whether anyone reads this or not doesn't matter it'll be a good way for me to document and share my feelings, aspirations, hobbies and the milestones of my sons life, basically the musings of life as a mommy :) peace, love and blessings!!!  

In his name,
Ang