Im posting this because i want to be able to refer back to this when I need strength and reminding of where my heart needs to be...

It's been a month full of ups and downs, but that's life, sometimes it's awesome but sometimes it's hard, if it weren't for the bad though, we wouldn't appreciate the good and when get through the touch stuff with our heads held high we can look back and see our strength and k ow that the next difficult thing that comes our way we can bear it alittle easier.. But not alone, I can never get through life's lows without the lord guiding me without completely leaning on him and trusting his direction.. I won't say exactly what's been ailing me these past couple months but I will say its emotional pain from getting hurt and giving too much and being vulnerable and it's just life wearing on me, But... I have a big God, a wonderful, beautiful son that I love soo very much, wonderful family and friends and that I am so blessed for and with all those things I can get through anything ! God is good, life is good, never stop believing, hoping and dreaming!

Wow! Life sure has been crazy lately..I have been in such a blogging slump over the past couple months, I have quite a bit going on in my life, not all positive, and every time i would sit down to blog i just couldnt get the words out, too much floating around in my head, guess i needed to narrow down what i was really feeling, in order to write about it, thats what this blog is to me, an outlet, so i'm sorry if you have written a comment or followed and I havent followed back, but I will, I promise, and all the sweet comments are so nice to hear!! I need them!! I dont have much time to write tonight so I will just post this quote that explains my heart right now..

Noah is now 4 months old and he's such a little sweetheart, some people would call me crazy but I think I can already tell his personality, I can already sense what kind of person he's going to be, loving, calm, sweet and a little mischievous. I can just tell that he's going to have s kind heart! Here's some updated pictures of my sweet little man :)
Be prepared he's absolutely adorable!

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with
Lance Armstrong

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed the
birds in winter, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hold
the door open for others and heard 'thank you' and
'you're welcome', and I learned respect for others.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be..

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,’ Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'


I just Had to share this sweet little poem, made me tear up :)

Sometimes I dont know what I want or who I am, I get lost in the shuffle of changing diapers, cleaning house and trying to make every one else happy. I forget to stop and look at what i want or rather what I need! Days go by so fast sometimes and my life becomes blurry, kind of haze of days strung into a week. I get lonely and tired and my thoughts wear me out. It would be nice to just turn my mind off for awhile, stop feeling and thinking so much, but this is who God made me to be, deep intellectual, sensitive and loving. Those traits can't be turned off or dulled, they're too strong. I care a lot, I give too much, but at the end of the day I'd rather be me than anyone else...who that is I'm still trying to figure out but aren't we all learning, growing and changing? We never stop til the day we die, unless we give up, but that's not how I'm wired...I don't give up when things get scary, boring and difficult, i just gotta keep moving, keep loving and keep living and my life and the things I want will eventually fall into place.

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

I like people who are real, people who aren't afraid to be honest and raw, it's people like that I connect well with and can hold deep intellectual conversations with. People who are open minded, intersting, creative, positive and upbeat!

So I'm having one of those days that everyone has where I have no motivation, and thats rare for me because I'm a DOER, if thats a word. I am a multi-tasker, an organizer, (I tend to be a bit over the top when it comes to organization but its not necessarily a bad thing). So on these days where I feel overwhelmed with everything I need to get done, such as, laundry, dishes, clean the house, run errands, all while taking care of Noah, I get a tad bit stressed out and end up not doing any of it because I don't know what to tackle first, now this is only on the days where I'm lacking motivation, just tired and a bit lazy, it frusterates me becasue I'm such an active person. But what matters most is Noah, the dishes and laundry can wait. I need to learn to give myself a break. I know this is a silly thing to blog about but this is my life.... I get up, I care for my son, I clean house, I visit family and friends some days and occasionally go out with Matt (noah's Dad), I run errands, I chill out at night, watch a couple movies, play and read to Noah and fall asleep alone in my big queen bed, that is my daily grind. I worry like every other woman, about my future, about Noah, about whether or not I'm beig a good mom, about finances...But thats pat of life and what makes my life so awesome are the little things, the simple things! Mainly watching Noah grow and change, he has truly given my life meaning, given me purpose and drive. That's all I have for today! Happy blogging :)